I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
