help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
