Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You took a bar mat shot.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
