you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
