I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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