And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
