So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
