Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't turn off my feet"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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