so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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