yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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