Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He did a backflip because drugs
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