There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
