Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
