Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
