I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
