I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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