hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you traded sex for a burrito?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
