take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
