I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
