well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
