careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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