In the future we'll all be gay
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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