is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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