My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
