I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
