I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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