I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
