She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
