Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
whose ass print is on the piano?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
