Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
