mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
