oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
