you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
