I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
