do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
