I accidentally had phone sex last night
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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