Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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