Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize