Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
