Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
