There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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