I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
