i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
