is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
