Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
