Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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