I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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