there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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