She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
