I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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