Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
