i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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