Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
