That's intense
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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