is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
