i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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