maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
