after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
