Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
